I have been reading this book, in part because he was the ninth Doctor and I am a huge Doctor Who fan, and second because of the story of his father.
The irony is that while reading, when I came to the part where he wrote of his depression and hospitalization and treatment for said depression, was at the same time the news of Naomi Judd’s suicide from mental illness.
The sadness he expressed moved me so much, especially when he shared the lies this disease told him about himself, I found a certain clarity of understanding in the actions depression triggers. From what I learned about Naomi’s experiences it seemed to be consistent between the two people.
Your mind starts telling you: others don’t really care about you – that you are not worth love and respect – it’s not important to others if you are not there – that it would be better if you were dead – your disease is a curse on your family – and finally that you should just take care of your own dying! This spiraling cycle of thought, belief in the lies of a damaged conscious, and the struggle of your physical body, betrays the moments of lucidity.
It is heart breaking, especially when we hear of young people who see suicide as a way of escape. It reminds me when my son was in elementary and middle school dealing with extreme bullying. My guilt at not putting everything else aside to fight a battle he couldn’t, confronts me regularly. I was finally able to quit my full-time job and take him out of public school. Then we were able to start building up his non-existent self-esteem obliterated by the actions and words of kids he couldn’t escape. As I’ve said, and I don’t care what anyone else says, it was best for him to learn in a loving and accepting environment at home.
After four years at a private Christian high school, where he found friends, his skill in art and singing was discovered, developed and acknowledged that he became a full personality again.
Don’t ignore the signs, observe and be diligent in getting help for yourself or your loved one.