Lies of Depression

 

I have been reading this book, in part because he was the ninth Doctor and I am a huge Doctor Who fan, and second because of the story of his father.

The irony is that while reading, when I came to the part where he wrote of his depression and hospitalization and treatment for said depression, was at the same time  the news of Naomi Judd’s suicide from mental illness.

The sadness he expressed moved me so much, especially when he shared the lies this disease told him about himself, I found a certain clarity of understanding in the actions depression triggers. From what I learned about Naomi’s experiences it seemed to be consistent between the two people.

Your mind starts telling you: others don’t really care about you – that you are not worth love and respect – it’s not important to others if you are not there – that it would be better if you were dead – your disease is a curse on your family – and finally that you should just take care of your own dying! This spiraling cycle of thought, belief in the lies of a damaged conscious, and the struggle of your physical body, betrays the moments of lucidity.

It is heart breaking, especially when we hear of young people who see suicide as a way of escape. It reminds me when my son was in elementary and middle school dealing with extreme bullying. My guilt at not putting everything else aside to fight a battle he couldn’t, confronts me regularly. I was finally able to quit my full-time job and take him out of public school. Then we were able to start building up his non-existent self-esteem obliterated by the actions and words of kids he couldn’t escape. As I’ve said, and I don’t care what anyone else says, it was best for him to learn in a loving and accepting environment at home.

After four years at a private Christian high school, where he found friends, his skill in art and singing was discovered, developed and acknowledged that he became a full personality again.

Don’t ignore the signs, observe and be diligent in getting help for yourself or your loved one.

I plan to get a copy of Naomi’s book.

Cheers!

-N

Right Place, Right Time

Two round trips: between Phoenix and Orlando. Sometimes it is apparent you are in the right place at the right time.

We were scheduled to leave Phoenix, our departure time 5:55pm, however, to our dismay, the flight was delayed to an 8:15pm departure. This meant an arrival in Florida of 2:00am! We were not the only group of inconvenienced passengers. There were 22 who had a delayed flight from San Diego into Phoenix so they missed their connection. Consequently they were put on our flight.

One of the passengers from San Diego was Paul. He was a nice man, very interesting and as he told us of his travels around the world I found myself thinking of another very interesting man I met years ago while I worked at the Retail Center at the University of Arizona – John Peterman.

J. Peterman

Now some of you might remember this name if you watched Seinfeld years back. Not this man but an actor played the character. The real J. Peterman was fascinating, just like Paul. When we arrived in Orlando I gave him my card and hoped to hear from him since his farewell included a “come to SD and stay at my place at the beach” OK.

We had an outstanding visit with my son, his wife and our

Three generations

handsome, brilliant and fantastic youngest grandson.

Our flight back was Orlando to Chicago to Phoenix. The Orlando to Chicago-Midway flight was packed and there were at least a dozen kids – I didn’t know what to expect but to my surprise it was a calm flight. The Chicago to Phoenix trip included another fortuitous human connection – Max.

Max was 85 years old, with a gorgeous white goatee and a full head of white hair. He was right out of a movie – a very handsome man (wish I had gotten a photo.) He was traveling alone.

Max was having a bit of a cough, he seemed uncomfortable so I grabbed a cough drop I had in my bag and gave it to him, he was glad to take it and I assured him it was sugar free and he responded “That’s good for my diabetes,” and smiled at me. I went back to the movie I was watching on my phone. After a while I noticed he was clearing his through and coughing (differently than the first) so I asked him if he was okay. He said he just needed a drink. I had an empty plastic cup and we had a bottle of water so I filled it and handed it to him. Again a thankful smile and he took a drink. He told me the cough drop had cleared his head a bit.

He started to talk. About the lights in the darkness outside, his family, his house in Buckeye AZ, that he travels between Chicago and Phoenix by himself since his wife didn’t travel, and he always traveled Southwest Airlines. One more fill of water and by the time the flight was over he was relaxed and I felt like we were meant to sit with him.

Max, I hope you are doing well.

Cheers!

-N

Two Weeks of Love and a conflict

I had a two week trip to Apopka FL (near Orlando) in January to meet my second grandson.

Nannie and Jackson

Let me say I am in love.

He was two months old and just yummy. He is a sweetheart and I spent every chance I got holding him, feeding him, and doing all the other baby things. It was my pleasure to help my son and daughter-in-law with the multiple tasks, giving them a well deserve break. I remember one afternoon saying, “Why don’t you guys have a date night?” which was met with enthusiasm. Anytime there was a comment about running to the store or going for coffee I piped up with a “go ahead I’ve got him,” with a big smile on my face. I loved my solo time with my wee fella.

Well, we are going back next month – lets just say I am ready to snuggle that boy again. This time he will get to meet his Poppa (grandfather) since hubby was sick and had to cancel last time. I am excited to see hubby with the baby grandson.

Now I come to the conflict referenced above. My kids have managed to live across the country from each other! One is in Phoenix, one is in Orlando. Could they have made it any harder on me? Although I will say my daughter moving from So Cal to Phoenix helped the dilemma a bit. Still it’s 2000+ miles to the others.

I told hubby when he retires I want to move halfway between them, which according to google maps is Rexville TX. Ready…its a ghost town! A crossroads location with about four houses.

Uh, no.

Charlie dressed to dance

So I’m here and keeping the credit cards paid off so I can travel, and taking every opportunity to see my Phoenix grandson. Yep, two grandsons.

Cheers!

-N

Great Place for Pottery

Are you in Tucson and looking to replace some of the pots your plants are in? Head over to Pottery Fiesta. They have two locations, one on Old Nogales Hwy and the other on Oracle Rd in Catalina.

It is worth the trip to get this quality product.

I have a huge ZZ plant that was ready to bust out of its pot, so I had something specific in mind for it. I headed over to the Catalina location and found the area where they keep the discounted pots. They had a nice selection of sizes and colors, and I found just what I needed for 60% off!!

I got a tray for it at 10% off and I was ready to transplant. Here is a pic of the pre-transplant ZZ plant, very majestic and obviously filling the pot.

With this big pot we had to use a lot of soil to fill the bottom ½ and have plenty of room to set the plant inside and cover it well. I was able to break off part of it for baby plant, and that’s so cool.

 

 

I’m sitting next to it to show a size perspective.  It is a great looking plant and can grow for quite awhile in its new space.

Here is the baby.

Cheers!
-N

Just shut up

People who have no real knowledge of what the regular hardworking population deal with, vomit their opinions about what a paycheck to paycheck worker can do to improve their lifestyle and tell people how to have success.

Shut it!

If paying off a $200,000 mortgage doesn’t make a big dent in your bank account, then you have no business representing me.

$100 extra a month can influence what I spend on groceries and gas. I spend time every day looking, unsuccessfully, for work from home opportunities to supplement my Social Security check. If hubby and I want to make major home improvements, take a trip to Orlando to see my new grandson, get car/truck repairs done or a myriad of other pricy things we either don’t or we go into debt.

We are not unique.

There are multitudes who are in the same boat. My problem is with the individuals who “represent” us who have no idea what we truly deal with. It’s obvious. Also, as part of the aging population my value as a worker is disregarded by a younger work population. My skills, experience, knowledge and desire carry no weight.

So just shut up.

-N

Christmas Decorations and Cooking

I’m not decorating for the holidays as I have in the past. It’s not because I have lost my Christmas spirit, but because it will be just hubby and I here, and our Christmas Eve and Christmas Day will be spent at my daughter’s place in Phoenix. Our grandson is there and the celebrating will go on in her house.

My son and his wife are in Florida so they are also doing their own thing as they wait for the arrival of my second grandson.

“A Christmas Carol”

If we were going to host a gathering I would jump on the decorating bandwagon, but it’s just not worth it to me. I have a few special things I love that I will set up: my Byers Choice “A Christmas Carol” carolers. I asked hubby to put up a few lights around the front porch, and I put out my holiday dishware and serving ware.

The Family Tree

Since I wrote the previous, my husband found a few boxes of Christmas decorations that belonged to his parents. After their passing we went to Reno and cleared out a storage area of things of theirs. This Christmas tree and these decorations were part of it. We now have a precious little tree decorated with ornaments gathered over their 50+ year marriage.

An important part of the holidays of southern Arizona is the making of tamales. One thing to note about Mexican food is the food is distinct to the region. It is my personal opinion – but there is no better Mexican food than Sonoran. You may have a different opinion but you are wrong.

REAL food doesn’t have orange cheese, it is only white crumbled cows cheese that comes from Sonora, Mexico. It is always fresh, and the ingredients blend well, not disguised by cumin and chili powder! Also our Christmas tamales have a green pimento olive inside that represent the baby Jesus.

So, when you enter a grocery store anywhere in southern Arizona at Christmas you will find a display like this:

Cheers!

-N

 

Debt and a book update

I told my husband I was going to email Bill Gates and tell him if he wrote me a check for $150k it would get us out of debt. On our own it will be years before that happens and I figured Gates wouldn’t even notice the cash was gone.

Consider: $150,000 vs $136,500,000,000.

My biggest problem is finding a way to contact him directly. Any of you know his email or cell phone number for a text? I hear he is philanthropic.

I  have an update on my contemporary fiction “Anchor Bay”. I reached a stopping point, where my research and information, leaning heavily toward law enforcement details (I have a wonderful friend, a retired Lieutenant in the Tucson Police Department who provides information,) where things stalled. I needed that scene, the pivotal scene, the driver that would push the plot forward.

To my joy, I found it in my notes from months ago. A random interaction described as a possible scene, which worked perfect  in this place. A strong plot and character development scene. WOO HOO!!

Cheers!

-N

Looking to Whimsy

I try to settle in, and do the things to help make a cool living environment. I don’t like the place I live so I do everything to lift up my space so it has magic, green, and is filled with whimsy.

I love the Miss Marples on BBC,  people walking in the rain 🌧 not thinking twice. Everyone carries an umbrella. Everything is green, creeks running and trees with big leaves. I like a misty emerald landscape made for walking.

So different from where I live. Here its dry, brown, dusty, and trees with skinny leaves and cactus. I find so much I don’t like.

So I keep dreaming of a place, a place filled with my hearts desires and wishes, a place in the mist.

Cheers!

-N

TikTok and the Pro-Life Argument — Black Conservative Independent: The White Sheep of the Black Community (reblog)

This is my daughter from another mother. She is beautiful, intelligent, snarky, won’t back down and has a lot to say. Click on the link, be fair and listen.

 

Kuuleme T Stephens: This is the most IGNORANT argument I’ve heard in a while, so I thought I’d write about it! The arguments for what is viewed as racist is out of control! The Left loves calling everything out as racist, and in my opinion the Right appeases them with a reactionary response that does […]

TikTok and the Pro-Life Argument — Black Conservative Independent: The White Sheep of the Black Community

Challenge Ends Tomorrow

The writing challenge I started the first of September ends tomorrow.

It’s been a really good experience for me. I’ve been driven to write at least 1000 words a day and I’ll be honest with you sometimes it was hard to get going every day. But I did it and I’m proud of me.

My story is at least 2/3 of the way to completion of the first draft. This challenge helped me fall in love with my book again. The people became even more real. When fictional characters are so real in your mind you speak of them as actual humans the prose has weight and existence.

I posted a synopsis and the first chapter at this link https://steviawithcream.com/anchor-bay-stormy-love/

Let’s hope I can keep this going and I plan to keep my connection with Chapter Buzz for accountability.

Cheers!

-N