I had an eye appointment today and the first thing I noticed when I was walking into the big building of doctors offices was there were lots of “old” people coming and going. Blue hairs I call them. My eye doc, who is really great, is retiring to Florida. Bummer, Chuck and I both like him. He is mellow and works quickly. Gonna miss that guy. Eyes haven’t change much, that’s good. I have small cataracts, that’s bad. Did I really say that??
Please God, I’m not old, right?
In my head I’m 30. I was skinny and energetic when I was 30. No reading glasses, I could jog a mile without breathing hard and I could drink and dance all night if I wanted. My kids were little so I knew I wasn’t old.
I worked for almost 10 years at the University of Arizona and it was one of the most fun jobs I ever had. Primarily because I was around young people all day. It was great. The best part was hearing about their fabulous and crazy college aged lives. I heard about who they were hanging out with, where they were going for vacays and the parties they hit on the weekends. I felt younger being around them. They cheered me and kept me from the oldness feelings.
For years before that I had worked in the medical field in hospitals and private offices. I found I spent my time talking about doctor appointments, medications, sick days, and aches and pains. Not getting ready to go to the beach or bar hopping with friends to meet people. It made me feel old and I started to sound like these grumpy people.
Right now my Sirius car radio is on the “top hits or Z100 or coffee house”, my Pandora is on the “Mark Ronson station or today’s hits”. I’d love to hit the dance clubs and get sweaty dancing all night, but they look at me funny. Ok, Chuck isn’t a dancer. So I’m not that skinny girl who closed the bars when she was 22 but I’m still fun. Just try me!
My son said I was loud about everything. I think it was a compliment?!?! I’m not typing in all caps, right?
I know I can’t avoid the chronological progression but dammit in my brain I’m not that old. “I’m gonna kiss myself I’m so pretty.”